Who Am I?

‘YOU ARE A WRITER. IT OOZES OUT OF YOU, LIKE BLOOD…
I AM A FAN.’

– Molly Parkin


In December of 2007, I created an online persona called Stan Cattermole. Stan kept a blog called Bête de Jour … an ugly man’s guide to life, love and happiness. This is what it looked like…


Although I knew that, ethically, it was a questionable exercise to pretend to be physically deformed on the internet, I also felt it was a wonderful idea, so I did it. As it turned out, the blog became very popular and after eight months I was approached by a couple of literary agents and a major non-fiction publisher. The following year a book was published by Collins. This is what the book looked like


It was difficult to publicise the book – on account of the fact that its USP was essentially a fabrication – but I did do a couple of TV interviews with a bag on my head. Here I am, for example, on GMTV…


Ultimately the book didn’t sell very well, even when the title and cover were dumbed down for paperback…


…but that doesn’t mean it’s not an exceptionally good book.

Prior to Bête de Jour, I worked as a journalist on various London lifestyle magazines and was editorial director for a London website that was going to be so, so great, but then – tragically – wasn’t. I have also written English definitions for new Italian words in the Ragazzini Italian-English dictionary, sketches and scripts for long-forgotten Radio 4 comedy programmes, translations for Italian cigarette-packet-making machines, bogus poetry for the labels of regenerative moisturising potions, underground marketing campaigns for terrible Hollywood films and tedious yearbooks for odious governmental departments.

Also, under the name Graham Pond, I co-wrote a guidebook for Second Life and edited a couple of quirky London guide books...


After Bête de Jour, I moved to France where, as well as a couple of features, I wrote a monthly column for Living France magazine...


More recently I’ve written for Ryanair’s inflight magazine, Let’s Go (defunct shortly afterwards – complete coincidence), for French Property News, The Peckham Peculiar, Londonist, le cool and the World Travel Guide.

I have also worked as a researcher, an editor, a sub-editor, a copywriter, a professional blogger for Amnesty, an actor, a travel writer, a teacher, a set-builder and a landscape gardener.

Here I am, writing, scowling and brandishing what may well be a sonic screwdriver in France…


My writing has been compared to the work of Kurt Vonnegut, Irvine Welsh, William Leith, Mark Twain and Charles Dickens. I was also once accused of ‘hovering somewhere between Dostoevsky, Wodehouse and Adrian Mole’. Oh, and let’s not forget, I was also described as ‘one of the hottest literary talents of 2009‘ by London Lite, and consequently Sky News...


Those were the days.

Despite all of these nice things, I remain unencumbered by mainstream or financial success.

But I’m not dead yet.

And in January 2017 I relaunched the website you're currently perusing and I set up a copywriting company called The Best Words Online.

If you would like me to write something for you, please get in touch.