I Am In Fleet

In Hampshire, you know. England. It’s not very exotic, no. Unless you’re from Kuala Lumpur maybe. Which I’m not. I’m from Sunderland.

Anyway, I can’t believe that when I first started talking about this idea of visiting 80 festivals around the world and writing about them as I went, I actually imagined I could do it all in one year. Not only that, I imagined that somehow I could multi-media blog it as I went.

It would never have worked.

Doing it in one year would have meant visiting a new festival every four and a half days. Apart from the fact that some festivals last longer than four and a half days, there is all of the travelling from one event to the next, not to mention the time it takes to write everything up, sort through hundreds of photos, edit a ridiculous amount of film, and so on. I am only one man, and not a very organised one at that.

I was awfully naïve. But I’m not anymore. Now I’m merely disillusioned and negative.

I haven’t a hope in hell of carrying on.

Or have I?

Oh, come on. You never know. Keep positive!

Balls. I’m having a nervous breakdown.

Oh, shut up. One man’s nervous breakdown is another’s epiphany.


I’ve been back from the first leg since Sunday and I’m still working on writing up the third festival, the Battle of the Oranges. And because of time constraints and mounting panic, I’m already cutting corners.

All of which has made me thankful that no one gave me the money to do the against-the-clock adventure version, because there would have been precious little fun in it, and I would have had a nervous breakdown – a proper one – by June.

However, if no one gives me the money to continue, then I will be really quite peeved, because four festivals in, I genuinely think I’m onto something.

Unfortunately, I still don’t think I’m any better at selling myself.

Oh, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!

Calm, calm, calm.

So this is the plan: the next festival I would like to visit is Songkran. Songkran is the Thai water festival. I have been advised to head for Chiang Mai for the 12th April. Which is in exactly two weeks. Hmmm….

So, I have two weeks to raise some funds. Substantial world-travel funds this time too. Not the crappy small-fry European funds I failed to raise the first time round.

My current back-up plan, if I haven’t managed to raise the money by Songkran, is to run away and live in Spain, go back to teaching English, learn Spanish, get a tan and sporadically carry on trying to get people interested in the festivals project over the summer. Then give up and write a comedy novel about life in hostels that no one will publish and no one will ever read.

But what if I can’t even raise enough money to go and live in Spain?

Ay carumba.

We’ll see. For now I’ve got to get on. I’ve got too many windows open at the moment. I need to focus.

Tomorrow there will be focus. You see if there isn’t.

About the Author

I am Karl Webster. I wrote these words. If you liked them, you’ll be overjoyed to know that there are plenty more where they came from. So you should definitely sign up to my newsletter if you haven’t already.

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