Day One #16,709

bulk :: 13st (bang on)
BMI :: 24.6
gym sessions :: 1


I have of late, but wherefore I know not, become uncomfortably tubby. However, according to the NHS healthy weight calculator, I am still currently within the parameters of good health/size. Just. I am point three of a whole number from being officially classified overweight. Oddly, if I were a person from an ethnic minority, I would already be considered overweight. This according to a recent report from the ludicrously contrived NICE (the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence).

‘NICE says the typical healthy BMI score of 18.5-24.9 is meaningless for people of African, Caribbean and Asian descent, and suggests a range of 18.5-23 instead.’

Professor Mike Kelly, big cheese at NICE, clarifies:

‘”Type 2 diabetes, heart disease and stroke are potentially life-threatening conditions, which people of African, Caribbean and Asian descent and other minority ethnicities are significantly more likely to develop than the wider population.”‘

Jesus. That’s not even the slightest bit nice. Not only do they have to deal with an unimaginable amount of horrific abuse, such as that supplied by pitiful fucktards like Francis Muir, but then – on top of that – they also draw a significantly shorter straw in the health lottery. Maybe the stress of dealing with other people’s mental problems is part of the reason.

Actually, according to research evidence cited on, ‘Why these differences in predilection for illnesses exist across ethnic groups is unknown’, although theories include ‘genetic variation and dietary influences’.

Or of course, sampling bias. I mean, I don’t know. I’m no brain scientist. But that would be my guess.

Anyway, even though I’m white, there is still a small chance I’ll die. Therefore, I intend to guard against it. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I also want, at some stage, to find a mate. And although I have no doubt that endearingly amorous terminology like ‘find a mate’ stands me in very good stead indeed, heading off the pregnant old man look at the first proper hurdle probably won’t hurt.


My first month-long gym membership started yesterday. I cycled for 45 minutes and did a little pec-work. And you know what? I already feel better.


So I have decided, I’m going to try to lose three stone. In three months.

But to be perfectly honest, I’ll probably be happy with one and a half and a little light airbrushing.

Wish me luck.


About the Author

I am Karl Webster. I wrote these words. If you liked them, you'll be overjoyed to know that there are plenty more where they came from. So you should definitely sign up to my newsletter if you haven't already.

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