All Change Tuesday :: Unlucky For Some

hours cycled :: 1
tennis matches played :: 0
football matches played :: 1
goals scored :: 3
percentage of goals scored which were own goals :: 33.33%
injuries sustained :: 2
hours in A&E :: 3
broken bones :: 0
enormously disappointing evenings of comedy :: 1
weeks of work remaining :: 23 4

I quit my job last week.

It was supposed to last till December 17th and allow me to pay off all my debts, but in the end I simply couldn’t bear it. So instead, my last day will be Friday 13th August and my debts will have to hang around for while longer.

Quitting is frowned upon, in general, but I reckon it’s got quite a lot going for it. Tolerance on the other hand – depending on the context of course – can be quite an overrated virtue. Just putting up with stuff because it’s the sensible thing to do. You know? I don’t approve. Life is short.

Almost all of the people I spoke to in the build-up to quitting were very encouraging, and I am grateful to them. One of them wrote this: ‘What do you want your memoirs to say? I’m guessing it’s not “I worked in a job that destroyed my soul but at least I didn’t have to worry about debts”.’ I’m particularly grateful to her because that was exactly what I needed to hear.

 

This photograph also helped…

Of course there is still a great deal of potential for it all to backfire hideously. If I don’t find any other work, for example, and I can’t pay my rent, let alone the debt repayments, then I’ll be buggered. But you know what? Fuck it. Even being buggered has got to be better than reading about lawyers all day.

So – it’s Yosser time again. I’m looking for three days of work a week so I can spend the rest of the time rewriting a novel and a children’s poem about an alcoholic trout.

 

I’ll be looking for freelance subbing work because I’ve found that’s a lot easier to land than writing work, which is what I really want to do and what I’m best at. Silly old life. Having said that, I’d be happy to do anything. Anything, that is, except teaching English to foreign types, which I did for 13 years (unlucky for some) and with which I became utterly jaded. Although it did become slightly more fun at the end. One of my last students was Roberto Mancini – check out his English here. Yeah, well, you should’ve heard him before I had a crack at him.

Also,  more change: my flatmate – the delicious Ben – is moving out in around five weeks’ time. I was rather hoping Gee might move in – mostly because he said he might like to – but then he changed his mind. The big flake. This morning in fact, he let me know that it wasn’t to be. Which is fine and all, but means I have to find someone else to live with me presto.

Not sure how to go about it really. I could start here I guess.

Do you want to live with me?

Oh, go on. I’m totally house-trained. Well, not totally.

It’d just be me and Imogen and a bunch of mice who live in the toaster, which I probably shouldn’t mention. Imogen is a classical musician and hardly ever at home – she prefers to spend most of her free time with her classical musician boyfriend in his lovely clean flat in a fashionable part of town. Can’t think why. But when she comes home, she fills the flat with delicious smells and noises. In many ways, we are polar opposites.

I’m really not selling this, am I? Um… it’s cheap!

Send me an email if you want to live with me or know someone who might. Then we can do the Shallow Grave thing and a few months later you can beat me up in a public toilet.

 

In other news, I went to see Chris Addison at the Bloomsbury Theatre on Saturday and in my most humble opinion, he was unutterably awful. No disrespect intended. The problem was that the whole 90-minute set seemed like comedy from around ten years ago. He did routines about going to the gym, people who wear Ugg boots, the tendency of the English to complain about everything, how bad he is at sex, and Daily Mail readers. Actually, the Daily Mail stuff seemed like comedy from around 30 years ago, specifically Jasper Carrot railing against Sun readers – except it was probably relatively fresh when Jasper Carrot did it.

 

So there we are. Roll on August 13th.

I hope you’re well, and feeling as lovely as you smell.

Anon!

 

About the Author

I am Karl Webster. I wrote these words. If you liked them, you’ll be overjoyed to know that there are plenty more where they came from. So you should definitely sign up to my newsletter if you haven’t already.

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